You know…I love my friends…and while some e-mail forwards are entertaining, entirely too many of them are repeats or just meant to gather addresses from unsuspecting newbies to the ‘Net. “PLEASE forward to EVERYONE on your e-mail list!” is usually an absolute sign you shouldn’t. I got one today, though…that actually made me laugh so hard I almost did. It may be old, but it was new to me and I decided to put it here instead.

TICK WARNING!

I hate it when people forward bogus warnings, and I have even done it myself a couple times unintentionally…but this one is real, and it’s important. So please send this warning to everyone on your e-mail list.

If someone comes to your front door saying they are checking for ticks due to the warm weather and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around with your arms up, DO NOT DO IT!! THIS IS A SCAM!!

They only want to see you naked.

I wish I’d gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid.

So funny. The scam my husband really wants to try is this one:

If he does? He is so sleeping on the couch…

OK, I can’t decide whether to show you the picture or tell the story first. You will not get it anyhow. Well, maybe 4 people in the world will. But only I will likely think it’s funny. Still? My blog…so here we go.

I didn’t have a stellar childhood. I have blogged about that before, so no news flash. At one point my Mom was dating [and had him move in with us] a drug dealer. Yes, boys and girls…I used to routinely find drugs hidden in various places around the apartment…for example, her underwear drawer. God gave me a sort of “go with the flow” sort of nature, so I did…mostly, but I was also not happy about the situation for many reasons [he got her hooked on some of said drugs, stole a lot of money from her and was a basic loser] so I “acted out” as kids tend to do.

During one argument I took off on my bike and stayed with friends for a few days. When I came back, the argument started again and I decided I had come back too soon. Drug Dealer Boyfriend was making dinner when I said something rude to my mother about her parenting skills, or lack thereof, and headed for the door. Just as I started to open it something flew past my head and smashed on the wall 2 feet from me. An entire head of lettuce! If you’ve ever seen Gallagher’s old cable specials, you KNOW how good a head of lettuce smashes!

OK, so…sort of comical domestic violence so far…but I have always been one with a snappy retort…usually they get me into more trouble…but, I kid you not…this is exactly what I said:

When I saw this lol I had to wonder…is that how I looked to the Drug Dealer Boyfriend? Then I laughed so hard I nearly peed.

Cuz? Now I know I was right. Who does throw salad? Honestly!

Holy Cow!! Something wonderful happened today…I think…I hope…

Anyone who reads or knows me knows how I loathe High Fructose Corn Syrup [HFCS]. I have blogged about it before.

I am not a huge Whoopi Goldberg fan…or a big fan of “The View”…but happened to stop on it towards the end of the show today. Whoopi, bless her heart, ina good way, CHALLENGED EVERY HEALTH CZAR…which I am assuming is Bob, Jillian, Bob, Dr Oz [who already hates HCFS], Dr Phil…etc…to make the manufacturers get rid of HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP in our foods! I could not believe I was hearing it on NATIONAL TV! On The View!! Hopefully that will get the message across. That’s what is so great about this…The View is the #2 or #3 most watched talk show…mostly by women…and you KNOW they don’t want US fired up about something. I think the only reason it is still on labels in this country at all is because MOST women don’t know about it. There are a lot more who will know about it now.

There are folks who poopoo this whole problem, and lump it in with folks panicking or cutting out one certain element of their diet…like, ultra low fat or low carb. Well, here’s the difference: HCFS is NOT a food! It’s a manufactured SUPER sugar. They use it partly because it’s cheaper than sugar, and partly because of it’s preservative properties. THAT should be the first clue it’s BAD for you…is that it acts as a preservative to food. Duh. We wouldn’t want formaldehyde in our food. We yell and cry to the heavens over trans fat, hydrogenated oils, cholesterol and other preservatives…why do we take the fact that HCFS is in our breads, english muffins, salad dressings, ketchup, steak sauces, marinades, sugared drinks…including nearly all non diet soda…and just about EVERY processed food so lightly?

Read the book FatLand…or read what Dr Oz says about HCFS. If we took HFCS out of the food, we would have ample corn for Ethanol…and fewer Diabetics.

So, Whoopi challenged the diet folks. I challenge all of YOU. READ labels. It takes more time in the store, but it’s worth it. READ the labels and if it lists High Fructose Corn Syrup in the ingredients, PUT IT BACK. If it stops selling, you better believe the formulation will change. They aren’t making this stuff for their health [or for ours, either]. They want to make money. If we don’t buy their crappy poisonous products, they will change them. I guarantee it.

You shoulda seen the panic the Big Foods Companies were in when a few tiny health food stores and low carb stores started popping up. They cranked out fake low carb products like crazy. And the silly, lazy lemmings that we are as a society…we bought them and were stunned when we couldn’t lose weight.

Anyway, I hope we can beat them at their own game…the farmers will be fine…and maybe gas prices will come down a bit! What a wonderful thing!

LOL This is hysterical!!! I borrowed this from a SparkPeople team thread!

Here are some weight comparisons…

1 pound = a Guinea Pig
1.5 pounds = a dozen Krispy Kreme glazed donuts
2 pounds = a rack of baby back ribs
3 pounds = an average human brain
4 pounds = an ostrich egg
5 pounds = a Chihuahua
6 pounds = a human’s skin
7.5 pounds = an average newborn
8 pounds = a human head
10 pounds= chemical additives an American consumes each year
11 pounds = an average housecat
12 pounds = a Bald Eagle
15 pounds = 10 dozen large eggs
16 pounds = a sperm whale’s brain
20 pounds = an automobile tire
23 pounds = amount of pizza an average American eats in a year
24 pounds = a 3-gallon tub of super premium ice cream
25 pounds = an average 2 year old
30 pounds = amount of cheese an average American eats in a year
33 pounds = a cinder block
36 pounds = a mid-size microwave
40 pounds = a 5-gallon bottle of water or an average human leg
44 pounds = an elephant’s heart
50 pounds = a small bale of hay
55 pounds = a 5000 BTU air conditioner
60 pounds = an elephant’s penis (yep, weights more than his heart!)
66 pounds = fats and oils an average American eats in a year
70 pounds = an Irish Setter
77 pounds = a gold brick
80 pounds = the World’s Largest Ball of Tape
90 pounds = a newborn calf
100 pounds = a 2 month old horse
111 pounds = red meat an average American eats in a year
117 pounds = an average fashion model (and she’s 5’11”)
118 pounds = the complete Encyclopedia Britannica
120 pounds = amount of trash you throw away in a month
130 pounds = a newborn giraffe
138 pounds = potatoes an average American eats in a year
140 pounds = refined sugar an average American eats in a year
144 pounds = an average adult woman (and she’s 5’4”)
150 pounds = the complete Oxford English Dictionary
187 pounds = an average adult man
200 pounds = 2 Bloodhounds
235 pounds = Arnold Schwarzenegger
300 pounds = an average football lineman
400 pounds = a Welsh pony

So, I have, as of this week…lost a 2 year old, but still need to lose a 2 month old horse!! LOL I do NOT remember eating a 2 year old on a pony, but danged if that horse isn’t still stuck on my @$$!

Good to have lost that kid, though. He was heavy enough. Yay me!

I don’t know if I was 2 years old when I started learning this prayer or not. I know I remember saying it at bedtime when I was around 4, and I doubt I had a true idea of the meaning of the words then. I did know that Jesus had died for us, and I was so sad. I would cry after my prayers and my Mom would ask what was wrong. I’d say, “But why, Mom? Why did they have to kill Jesus?” She didn’t have a good answer. I’m not sure anyone could give me a satisfactory answer to it, even now. It’ll be one those questions I look forward to asking when I meet Him.

So, I am not sure this little girl understands what she is singing…but the fact that she is singing it is astounding. She sings it with an air of conviction, anyhow. Better than a lot of adults I’ve heard!

The part that is the hardest for me, is likely the hardest for everyone…”Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” That’s how I learned it. I know, it can be sins/sinned or debt/debtors…but I learned trespass.

Forgiving anyone is so hard to do. Praying for your enemies is really hard, too. It just seems like human nature to seethe over being wronged…to hope for vengeance. But I have found that time, distance and age help a lot. I just don’t seem to have the energy to worry about whether they “get theirs”. And I realized that it’s only hurting my soul to continue to hate or to be angry.

Steve and I are working on forgiving a huge wrong that we have lived with for a long time. Time has helped. Age has helped. Pray for us…that we can find the way to forgive, at least, and if not forget…to put it aside. Thanks.

I do not take everything I have into consideration near enough. I know that. It’s so easy to get caught up in LIFE…

I’m stressed. My cholesterol is too high. My weight is too high. Dieting [’scuse me, eating healthy] sucks. Exercise sucks worse.

I have things to do for a million people [OK, two…shut up.] and a cat.

I have a house that’s “new to us”. If you have a 12 year old house you know that this is when it starts…I didn’t realize they meant all at once. The faucet…the toilet…the carpet…the windows…the doors…the grout…the sprinklers…the yard…the pool [I know…that’s why I’m here today…shut UP!].

I have everything I need, but can’t seem to make enough money to satisfy all the needs around us. The MIL, the BIL, the one in college, the one who’s not, the friend in need, the friend who hurts, the homeless, the sick…there’s so much I would buy everyone if I could and it frustrates me [Yes, yes…I know that, too. Please…].

Anyhow, my point [I know, finally…] is that no matter what I have, don’t have, need, want, etc…I cannot feel anything but awe for a life like this one:

I should be able to cope with or do anything. ANYTHING. Thank you, God. From now on, I’m:

So, the new wonder drug I have been on for a month…the one making it possible for me to breathe…might make me want to commit suicide. *snort* I live in Texas…I mean, please.

However, no one needs to worry about me yet. As long as I can watch this:

…and nearly pee? I do not think I will be killing myself anytime soon.

Go ahead. Watch it again…you know you want to.

I live almost as far south as you can get and still be in this country. Granted, I live in North Texas. Still…it’s snowing. For the second time in three days.

I told Zoe about the snow and sent her these pics on Tuesday:

She said, “I had no idea it ever snowed in TX.”

And so I told her. This? Is not Texas. This is NORTH Texas. That’s what they call it. Not Northern, either. North. And I live just North of North Dallas in North Texas. So. I would be North…North South, as it were. No wonder it feels so wrong. Cuz Texas? I hate to tell them, is as far south as we currently get in this country. They can call it “North Dallas, North Texas” all they want. Still? South.

Zoe tells me Hawaii is further south. [And the Florida Keys. Whatever.] You don’t hear them saying they live in North Honolulu, North Hawaii. These people. I thought California was weird. And I love California…I AM California weird. I get California weird. This is a whole other kind of weird. Zoe says, “oranges and horse apples”. Which is a great analogy. But, it’s more like oranges and frikking five point stars all over the frikking place. Or the shape of the damn state. I can’t figure out if they’re that proud, or if they need that to remind them which state to look for on the map when they get lost.

Saw these in a magazine in the drs office. I thought, Oh, Hell no you di’in’t. But…they did. Then I found out…good Lord…there’s a resolution. Well, it’s official then…these folks are insane.

Zoe said, “Well, that’s your tax dollars at work…” This makes so much sense, now that I live here and see it first hand. I had been just keeping my mouth shut, just cuz…I am normally a polite and wholly decent person… But, I am blogging it, cuz people need to know the truth, so they stop coming here in droves.

Anyhow…it is snowing again.

I will post more pics later.

OK, I like food…probably more than most. But, I have never been much for foofoo stuff. Food, furnishings, clothes…I’m pretty simple. I like nice, but simple.

Steve likes a little fancy. So, I am decorating a little more fancy than I would for myself. Not overly much…but enough to make him happy. I have also started to cook more here than I ever have…to save money and cuz I have a really nice kitchen now. And I am trying to eat better. I even joined Sparkpeople. Check out my page there.

But I never really thought too much about presentation of the food…until Zoe made me start watching the Iron Chef competitions on the Food Network. It’s as addictive as HGTV. I scoffed at her when she first told me she watched it. I mean, watching someone cook? That’s about as exciting as watching grass grow. Or so I thought…

First, I got attached to Bobby Flay and his Throwdowns. Hilarious…like people who cook for a living challenging each other to a duel. I guess they do have access to loads of sharp knives…but, a throwdown? LOL

There were a few others I watched here and there…but then I watched Iron Chef America. OMG. I was hooked…it’s sad, really…but it’s sort of silly and serious and exciting, because there’s a “secret ingredient” they have to work with that they don’t find out til it starts, and they’re timed and judged afterwards. The judges are usually a mix of a couple of food critics, folks who are very “food-savvy”, but snobby and someone who may or may not have a clue, but likes food, usually someone very funny.

Anyhow…I have started using spices. And poaching Salmon…in wine. I made flan…requiring a “water bath”. Huh? I know! That’s what I said!

Last night, I was poaching Salmon…not in wine, but in spices and orange slices. I also made brown rice, and mixed veggies…and it all got done at the same time. Heh. I got the plates out…and thought to myself, “Now, how should I plate this…?”

For non foodies?

Plating - noun : the act or process of plating; : to arrange (food) on a plate.

I laughed right out loud at myself. Then I did this:

So, there you have it. And knowing this…you will be able to tell when you have stepped over the edge…too.

Just having moved and furnishing just a couple of my rooms, I know that even cheap furniture is expensive! A friend of mine recently had a very bad experience…I want to pass it on, because it is NOT being handled in an ethical manner by the company.

Here’s what happened, in her words:

“I’ve surely had a fun experience with Wickes. I bought furniture - total - $2,083.41. Then I found out the salesman gave me the wrong information on the fabric so I canceled it one week later (1-11-08). I kept waiting for my refund check but it never came.

My local Wickes couldn’t be bothered checking on it for me. Finally I phoned the corporate office in Chicago. They said they’d just filed bankruptcy and to forget any refund. When I asked if I could just go pick up the furniture (better than losing the total amount), I was told the check was frozen and NO REFUND. I feel so cheated and basically as though someone had stolen $2083.41 from me. I have no recourse - paid with an electronic check.

Even though my money won’t be given back, Wickes still has their doors open and you can go in and buy furniture - but do pray you won’t lose your money. I can’t tell you how sick I am. I’m not a wealthy person and had to save a long time for this. Can you imagine buying something and never getting your money back or your merchandise? It’s robbery.”

When I heard about it, I send the following to the company:

“A close friend of mine, referenced above, recently bought some furniture from your company. She changed her mind, as delivery was going to take a long time, and she cancelled it [one week later!] and asked for a refund. NO furniture was ever even close to being delivered to her.

She has been waiting for a refund check, and was recently told there would be no refund [$2,083.41], since there was a pending bankruptcy.

I am horrified at this and I was amazed to see nothing on your website about it…advising customers that buying anything from you is a “final purchase” kind of deal.

I am considering taking this to the media, since I think this is at the very least bad business practice, and possibly fraud.

In the meantime, I want you to know I will be blogging about my friend’s experience, and sending e-mail to all of my other friends to warn them about your business ethics. I don’t want anyone else to buy from Wickes thinking they will stand behind their terms and conditions, i.e. [from your website] “Cancellation Policy – You may cancel your order for a full refund anytime before the 3 days preceding your scheduled delivery.”

Maybe you should add, “except that we won’t give you the money back, after all.”

What do you think? Will YOU buy from a company like this? They just added the Cindy Crawford Home line…I wonder how she would feel about working with a company like this?

I can totally understand financial issues. I have had my share. But to let people continue to buy, knowing full well you won’t be honoring your terms…well, that’s not honorable at all.